STUFF- Lose 200, Gain 250?

 

For some Big Girls, it’s hard to find a nice guy…

There are many men who find a big girl a preference or think of them as a  fetish( if you will). When you decide to take the “journey” you can end up losing more than weight. Sometimes you can lose your fat loving man as well. This wasn’t an experience I had per se but I have met many WLS patients who have gone through this transition. My relationship transition has been a little different but just as difficult.

Mentally, I hung on to someone who was NOT good for me. As I transitioned into my new, improved self- I found that I still couldn’t attract a “nice guy.” I was still too fat for the normal ones and too skinny for the “fat lovers.” I actually started to regret my WLS decision because I thought that the weight loss part would cure my relationship woes. After working so damn hard on myself, was I STILL not “good enough?”

Then I realized that I had a “fat” mentality. Even after all my success, I was still feeling like a Big Girl. The one that wasn’t worthy. The one who didn’t deserve to feel happy.

…and then I met Victor.

Victor is sweet, caring and a complete gentleman. He likes me for who I am and reminds me that I am beautiful even if I’m not feeling that way. I’m still not as  secure with my body as I’d like to be but Victor makes me feel like I’m the sexiest woman alive.  Even though he and I are not an actual couple, he is what I need right now and I think I’m what he needs as well. I have opened my mind and spent 4 wonderful days is Las Vegas with this man. A traditional  “relationship”  is what I’m used to but I think that Victor is what I truly need for the moment and I am what he needs as well. Where will this lead? Who knows…

 As far as I’m concerned, it was the best 4 days I have spent in a very long time and I hope that we will learn from each other and grow from our experiences together.

Sometimes you need to express yourself physically to reach a point mentally. You need to give yourself permission to let go and when you do, you gain an incredible understanding of what you want AND need. All I know (and that’s not much) is that I’ve grown so much in the past 4 days and have no regrets…

Thank you, Officer Victor…you were a total “Rock star!” 😉

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