I’ve never been a High Maintenance Girl.
I don’t know whether it’s my lack of self-esteem or because I’m the “no drama” type but after a short conversation with a “friend,” I realized that when you ask for nothing- that’s what you get.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt truly special. Though my “friend” went out of his way to fix my car (which I truly appreciate), he has described to me all the wonderful things he has done for wives and girlfriends in the past. I listen to his stories and become sad (and a bit enraged) because I haven’t experienced what other women find NORMAL. No flowers sent just because. No jewelry given as a token of love and affection. No surprise trips to exotic beaches or urban playgrounds. Nothing. I’ve had to buy my OWN flowers and jewelry and take MYSELF on trips ALONE. That’s MY reality and I’m kind of sick of it.
I question my own motives. Am I continuing my quest to better myself because I want to be healthy and happy or am I wanting be someone’s idea of perfection? With my withering body and sea of SKIN- I don’t think I’ll ever get to that point but am I wishing it so? I have to admit- I am. Since I’m teetering on 50- I don’t have much time left before my body just has enough and goes COMPLETELY to shit so- is it worth all this effort?
The answer: Is there one?