I received a candy bouquet for Mother’s Day and promptly lost my shit. Then I saw cheesecake in the fridge and wanted to jump off the roof. I’m so grateful to my daughter for thinking of me and the thought was SO appreciated but- I still have an eating disorder no matter how much I deny it and junk food makes me PANIC. Ugh…
You go over your issues- extensively analyzed what/why you feel the way you do. You do the work -accept them and try to keep control but still find yourself slipping now and again. It’s normal. Everyone does it but I do it more than most AND I beat myself up over it every time.
Tonight, I decided to just give in. I knew I’d be up all night working and those TWIX (my fave) would be calling me from the dining table- enticing me, hypnotizing my willpower. So I ate one. Then the other. After my initial reaction (nausea and sweats from RNY GBS), I accepted that I am a flawed, normal human being and savored the chocolaty goodness . A few hours later, I worked out (like a skinny, normal, non- eating disorder type person would do).
Eventually, I’ll need to find a coping mechanism for these issues (and jumping off the roof is NOT the best option). Until then, candy will occasionally win and I’m gonna have to let it or lose my mind.